Fear of Falling by S.L. Jennings
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Wow, S L Jennings has left me utterly speechless with this one! I don't care if you can only rate a book five stars. I personally give Fear of Falling 10 Big, Bright, Beautiful Blaine Jacobs Firefly Stars!!
I fell in love with him, hook, line and sinker. I fell in love with this story in it's entirety, the characters, the emotional parts, the devastating parts, all of it and yes, I cried like a damn baby for the last 20% of it. Should this scare you? Hell Fucking No, unless you don't have a passion to feel and read!! It was worth every single, emotional, tear that slid down my face, every breath I held and every gasp I made for Kami and Blaine!
I won't give spoilers in my review, as I never do, but if you have a hard time reading about abuse whether it be physical or otherwise then take caution when buying/reading Fear of Falling. As we all know, this is a very tough subject but at the same time a very, very real one and unfortunately happens more often than we care to think about.
Ms. Jennings did a phenomenal job writing this story and per chatting with her, she took a chance writing it. I am sure some may not like it or parts of it but to each their own. I have said it once and I will never tire of saying it. I fucking loved it! It is emotional, heart wrenching, beautiful, exceptional, sad, realistic, gripping, breath taking, overwhelming, okay that is about all the adjectives I can think of right now lol so I will move on to the story.
Kami is a beautiful, broken 23 year old woman who suffered immensely, as a child, at the hands of her father, literally speaking, as well as emotionally. Her mother suffered as well but in turn didn't do anything to help her daughter or their situation! Can you imagine? The two most important people in your life, that are supposed to care, love and nurture you, don't!
Naturally Kami aka (Kam) believes she is fucked up, broken, unlovable, crazy and has more issues and baggage than any one person can handle. She struggles every single fucking day and I wanted to wrap my arms around her, kill her father and scream at her mother!!
I feared death when all along I should have feared life
Why couldn't I be normal for one damn day
These were her thoughts daily.
We soon meet Kami's two wonderful roommates, Dom, who is also a victim of abuse and Angel, a woman who was paid by her own family to stay away because they could not accept her choices in life nor her lifestyle. These three are their own family and while it may be weird to others, the way that they treat one another, it is how they cope with every day life and more importantly are there for one another until of course, Kami encounters Blaine.
With a look that screams bad boy, but we all know looks can be deceiving, and underneath his gorgeous body and awesome tattoos is a man I think we would all love and want in our lives. Blaine is sexy, funny sweet, romantic and has a heart of pure fucking GOLD!!
They first meet in a bar where Blaine is a bartender and their heated encounter sets Kami's world on fire and afterwards, her thoughts of him, never-ending.
My body's response to his scared the living daylights out of me
He had the eyes of a man that had seen things. Eyes that were soulful and wise yet vibrant and sultry. Eyes that made me want to run away, yet urged me to stay.
A few weeks later, Kami soon finds herself returning to that very same bar in need of a job and from there on more sparks fly and try as they might to keep a working relationship strictly that, the resistance is soon broken and they take things further. They both find themselves enjoying everything about one another. The only problem, the way Kami feels and thinks. While none of what has happened to her in her past, her fault, she believes everything she shouldn't.
There were no flowers and hearts in my world. I didn't even know they existed
Dom and Angel are there for her and she feels closest to them. Dom was awesome, especially considering what he has been through as well. He talks to her, comforts her and basically knows what to say.
"Your fears are not you. Do you hear me? They don't define who you are."
We can't let them win. If we let them control us now after we've come so far, what else would we have left?"
Kami is scared for different reason, although she feels safe with Blaine and she isn't afraid of him.
Blaine soon learns about some of Kami's fears and demons but that doesn't stop this beautiful man, who has been through some things in his life as well, from falling in love with her, wanting to be with her, take care of her, protect her.
"Don't worry," he smiled, pulling me into the hard warmth of his chest. I've got you. I'll always catch you when you fall."
He was so understanding and quite frankly I have NOTHING bad to say about him, his actions or his character! Kami tried to be honest with him, tell him all of the things she thought about herself, that she didn't do relationships, she wasn't lovable all that heartbreaking stuff that she so sadly believed, in her mind that is! But did she truly believe it in her heart?
"I know you said you don't feel anything," he whispered. "But can you honestly say that you don't feel this? That this heat, this attraction is all in my head? Don't think about it; just answer. tell me what your heart wants to say and not what your head keeps trying to make you believe."
Do you want me, baby? Tell me you want me. Tell me you feel this too."
ummm I'll answer HELL FUCKING YEAH!
Needless to say you can't deny what's in your heart but with everything that Kami has been through, the constant fear she lives with daily, no happily ever afters, only pain and sorrow and the ugliness she has seen in love. Will all of this continue to haunt her everyday for the rest of her life and push her away from what she needs and wants? Will she be able to hang on to what she feels with and for Blaine? Will he be able to handle all of this and all of her demons? Will she push Blaine away?
So many questions but all of those will be answered when you buy this wonderful book on July 18th and devour every single word like I did. If you don't like it for whatever reason I have to be honest with you and say OH MY GOD WHY NOT? because this is in my top reads for this year.
Don't even second guess buying this book!! I loved every single emotional, gut wrenching, wonderful, deep, dark, intense and memorable minute of it!!
S L Jennings, you rock my dear woman!! Beautiful fucking story!! I am utterly speechless even after this lengthy review ,yet ironically, I could rave and write about it all day long. I could share so many quotes from the story but I WANT YOU TO READ IT FOR YOURSELVES!!
I was provided an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review.
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